A Student Called Me a “White B****”: Reflections from an Anti-Racist Coaching Lens
As I think about how having an anti-racist lens in coaching has a lived impact on what happens in the classroom, I find it helpful to ground this discussion in real experiences. I’m going to share a story with three layers of thinking: 1) what happened in my classroom as a teacher and how I thought about it then, 2) how I would have coached myself before applying an anti-racist lens, and 3) how I would coach myself as that teacher now with an anti-racist lens.
Part 1: The story from my perspective as a teacher at the time
One morning in my sixth year of teaching, as I was trying to trudge through an Algebra 2 lesson, there was one student who continued to carry on a side-conversation while I was trying to explain a concept at the board. I paused my lesson, called her out by name, and gave her my best “teacher look.” She stopped talking. I returned to my lesson.
But a minute later, she continued talking. “Urgg!” I thought, growing in frustration.
I called her out by name a few more times, increasing in volume each time. Because the class was crowded, I remember her being very close to me physically, within an arm's reach. She would stop briefly, but then continue talking again.
Finally, I yelled: “Gabrielle!” (I won’t forget this student’s name, but I’ve changed it here for privacy purposes.)
She stood up, and yelled back, “You white b****!” and stormed out of my classroom.
For context: I am white. I identify as a white, cisgendered woman who grew up in the suburbs. All of my students that year were students of color, primarily Black and Latinx, growing up in urban Philadelphia. Gabrielle was a Black girl in 11th grade.
After she left, the rest of the class had a look of shock on their faces, and I’m sure I had one on mine too. But I took a deep breath, and just kept explaining whatever concept I was covering on the whiteboard in the front of the room. I don’t even think I paused to call the office to let them know a student had left my room.
By the end of the day, I had filed the necessary write-up of the incident with the “safety team” and just felt glad the day was over.
The next day, Gabrielle didn’t come back. I felt relieved. It was several weeks before she returned to my class, and I didn’t miss her or attempt to call home to figure out where she was. But I was afraid of what would happen when she came back.
When she did return, we never reconciled the situation. I tried to act like nothing happened. (We ended on decent terms that year, and she passed my class.)
At the time, I felt such a sense of, “How could she?!” I was deeply invested in my role as a teacher who was there to help and deliver information, and the student’s role of absorbing that information. While I didn’t think this explicitly at the time, in hindsight I had an attitude of “I teach, you listen.” I thought, “I’m respectful to you, you should be respectful to me.”
Part 2: How I would have coached a teacher in this situation before developing an anti-racist lens
While I did not have an instructional coach at the time, I now reflect on how I might have coached myself at the time, before developing an anti-racist lens to coaching and teaching.
If I was coaching me under my old mindset, likely I would have:
Been consoling of the teacher, "I can't believe she said that!" and “Don’t worry, these things happen, and you’ll have a fresh start tomorrow.”
Made sure the teacher followed-through with the proper discipline process, such as calling home, filing the disciplinary report, etc.
Worked with the teacher to “tighten up” classroom management, especially giving strategies to make sure students don’t speak over her in class.
Completely avoid the topic of race.
From this perspective, I would have missed so much.
And likely, I would have just reinforced a harmful status quo in her classroom that would set the stage for a similar situation to happen again.
Let me be clear, I am not condoning Gabrielle’s behavior as acceptable.
Ideally, no teacher would experience being cursed at in school. However, I am acknowledging my role in producing the situation where a student felt the need to curse and trying to see the unequal power dynamics of race, class, age, and position that were at play to help me think about how I might have responded differently.
Corrective vision: Developing an anti-racist lens
I am indebted to the work of folks like Christopher Emdin, Glenn Singleton, Bettina Love, Zaretta Hammond and so many other authors, activists, and educators for sharing their work and their words that have helped me grow in my thinking as an educator. While this may be a story for another post (or several), the development of seeing the world through an anti-racist lens was only possible with the support, discussion and shared work with many colleagues, friends, collaborators, and my partner. I thank my community for their love and wisdom.
Applying an anti-racist lens to my role as a teacher at the time:
Instead of being the deliverer of information to a silent audience, a teacher’s role is to make a space where all students feel that they belong, are welcomed, and can be themselves. Seeing students as empty vessels to be filled (as Paulo Friere describes as the “banking” concept) is a deficit-oriented way of seeing students which is disproportionately applied to students of color. I missed seeing my student’s brilliance or meeting her where she was at because I was overly insistent that she be a passive learner.
I was too focused on teaching the content, that I missed the point of good teaching: teaching to our students. I was trying to make it through the Algebra 2 curriculum that day and I was less worried about actually engaging my students.
In hindsight, I’m so ashamed that I was thankful she didn’t come back the next day! All of our students are kids (even those who officially turn 18 should still count), and should be cared for as such. Kids need grace. Kids need space to make mistakes. Kids should be sought out when they don't go to school. I thought about Gabrielle as if she was another adult who had cursed at me. The adultification of Black girls is a racist practice that I didn’t see that I was engaging in. (See Monique Morris’ work for more on this.) I shouldn’t have taken her words personally, but rather taken them as a red flag that something deeper was going on.
Being afraid of what would happen when she returned embraced racist ideas about Black girls, making assumptions about her loudness or that she didn’t care about school.
Now when I think about Gabrille calling me a “white b****” and walking out of my class, instead of feeling anger or self-justification, I feel deeply sorry for how I responded. I am ashamed of my initial response of being relieved that she didn’t come back and being afraid of what would happen when she did.
To this student, I apologize.
Applying an anti-racist lens to the student’s experience:
I’ve found it helpful to consider what may have driven Gabrielle to curse at me that day, specifically naming race as a component in her frustration. Here are a few possibilities:
As a Black student, there was absolutely no Blackness represented in my class except the students who walked in and out of the doors. I was another of many white teachers that Gabrielle had likely had that didn’t understand race or the role my whiteness played in the classroom. The way I taught and what I taught, reinforced a white-supremist and Eurocentric way of seeing learning and the world. I likely avoided all conversation of race, but held on to the idea that I was "not racist.”
My class was booooooooring! I’m sure I would have wanted to have a side conversation if I were a student in my own Algebra 2 class. And I’m sure all educators can think of times that we’ve held side conversations or checked our email instead of engaging in boring PD. (Not to mention, a side conversation involves at least 2 people, and I only called out Gabrielle.)
I could imagine that being called out by name (repeatedly) felt disrespectful, and Gabrielle could have felt that she wasn’t going to let someone disrespect her. She held her boundaries and her sense of self, even when it was being attacked by an adult. Again, my job at the time should have been to not let anyone disrespect her, to care for her in the classroom space.
It’s likely that Gabrielle felt that she expected to show up as someone other than herself to be successful in my class, and that she didn’t want to change.
Part 3: How I would now coach a teacher in this situation with an anti-racist lens
I would make very different coaching moves now, both in terms of how I would facilitate a conversation with the teacher and the types of changes I would encourage this teacher to make. I would:
Give space for the teacher to talk about what happened and express their feelings. I would be careful not to nod along in agreement and use neutral phrases like, “I can understand your frustration.” My aim would be to help the teacher get to a point of thinking about how to move forward. If a teacher were still really heated and angry in our conversation, I would say something like “As educators, our goal is to work towards making a learning space where all students can be successful. Let’s take tonight to cool off and rest, and we can think through next steps together tomorrow.” Then when we meet again, I would:
Ask questions to help the teacher identify what may be under the students "disrespect"
Surface and ask guiding questions to point out the inequity, racism, bias, or a deficit-lens that is playing out in the teacher’s thinking. Teachers usually can’t handle hearing all of these at once, but whatever surfaces more clearly will be important to name explicitly. I wouldn’t avoid the subject of race, given that it was central to the student’s comment.
Make a plan of action that involves the teacher building relationships with students, understanding what it means to meet kids on their turf, and strategies for listening to students about what respect means to them. Our framing would be around “building class community,” rather than “classroom management.”
In future coaching meetings, based on what the teacher has learned from listening to and growing in relationships with students, I would support the teacher on building student representation in the classroom and making engaging, culturally-sustaining lessons.
While it requires constant development, using an anti-racist lens in coaching can significantly shift the experiences for both students and teachers, especially after situations that cause educators to examine their underlying assumptions about teaching and learning.