How to Respond When Teachers Complain About Students
(Typically, I’ll be posting on Wednesdays, but the math teacher in me couldn’t help but post on this very special TWOSDAY!)
When I was a new coach, I remember sitting in coaching meetings where a teacher started complaining about students or a group of students. I would nod along and try to change the subject as quickly as possible. I knew their language about students was wrong, but I didn’t have the tools to address it. Have you been there too?
Addressing teachers’ negative language about students is important work that many of us feel ill-equipped to confront. Complaining about students reinforces low expectations of students, conveys hopelessness in being able to create change in the classroom, is often biased or culturally insensitive, or places blame on students and their families. (For more on the toxicity of complaining about students, check out my article on EdWeek here.) How can we address a teacher’s negative language about students while maintaining our otherwise positive coaching relationship? I’ll share some practical tips below, but first I want to share a story that illustrates how subtle but toxic a teacher's complaints can be.
In one partnership, I observed a coaching meeting where the coach was supporting a teacher with using a new system to regularly acknowledge the positive behavior for a handful of students whose behavior she was struggling with. The teacher’s response went something like, “Yeah, I can try it. It might work for two of them, because they’re much more babyish. But I just don’t think it will work for Simon, he’s one of my older kids. He just doesn’t care.” I could see the coach get uncomfortable in her body language, but the comment went unaddressed. This teacher’s comment revealed that she had given up on reaching Simon, was unwilling to try this new strategy, and was blaming the failure of the system on Simon himself before even trying it. Leaving the comments unaddressed reinforced that this was okay.
As coaches, part of our role is to disrupt complaints, low expectations, and negative talk about students that has become so a part of the norm that teachers don’t even think twice about using this language. We can’t let teachers walk away from our coaching meetings feeling like they were validated in their attitudes about their “Simons.” The beautiful thing about coaching is that it offers a space to not only disrupt, but create meaningful change in the teachers’ actions in the classroom too.
I’m reminded of a recent episode of the Leading Equity Podcast in which Dr. Eakins describes being a student teacher and walking into a staff lounge where teachers were complaining about students. He didn’t join in, and he didn’t return to the lounge. Feeling good about himself, a trusted mentor challenged him, “And what did you do?” Not joining in isn’t good enough.
Let’s think for a moment about why many of us don’t respond in these moments. For most of us (I’m including myself), we’ve been there. We have made our fair share of complaints about students. And we know the feeling of being frustrated with or hurt by students. For many of us, we just don’t know how to respond. We don’t have the language or the practice to do so. Reflect for a moment: What are the underlying reasons why you hesitate to address teachers’ negative language about students in coaching meetings?
Addressing teachers’ negative language about students is important work that many of us feel ill-equipped to confront.
Strategies for Addressing Teachers’ Negative Talk About Students
Pause and ask a question. Responding with a question not only highlights that the negative comment needs to be addressed, but it gives space for the teacher to clarify their intent or step back from comments that they see are inappropriate. I find these questions stems from a training provided by my colleague Cap Aguilar helpful in this scenario. Pick one and practice it as your go-to response.
Seek additional information
“What do you mean when you say…”
Paraphrase the teacher’s comments
“So, you think that…”
Explore Intent
“Help me understand your intent when you…”
Frame a positive belief instead. To fill in the gap created by the complaint or negative language about students, frame a new positive belief about students, such as “There is a way to reach Simon, too” or “Every child can be successful.”
Support changing actions. Often teachers won’t have a big “aha” right in the moment, but we can still support them in making changes in their classroom. What practically can the teacher change that will have a positive outcome for the students being complained about? For example, in the case of the scenario above, the coach can work to help the teacher implement their new positive incentive system with Simon. After the teacher starts to see some change, the coach can revisit the language in the initial conversation in greater depth.
Establish “ground rules” or coaching mottos. Even if you are not coaching someone who complains about students right now, a great way to lay the foundation for addressing negative language about students is by laying ground rules in coaching conversations. This might sound something like, “In our coaching meetings, we’ll be reflecting on your learning space. I’d like to ask us to agree to use kind language about ourselves and students, use “I statements” when something is challenging, and avoid name-calling of students. Can we agree to that?” I’ve never known a teacher who wouldn’t agree to this. Then, when a teacher says “these students never…” or calls a child a “baby” (when they clearly wouldn’t like that), you have norms to refer back to. Additionally, regularly using coaching mottos - the things you say again and again in coaching - gives you more language to hang onto. For example, “you are the change agent in your classroom” helps teachers see themselves as empowered rather than needing to blame students. What are your coaching ground rules and mottos?
A quick note for anyone coaching coaches: when a coach fails to address a teacher’s negative talk about students and you witness this, it should be your highest priority to address it. Just like coaches give their silent consent to negative language when they avoid addressing it, coaches of coaches give their silent affirmation that it’s okay not to address a teacher’s negative language when it goes unaddressed.
Comment below with other strategies you’ve found successful in addressing negative talk about students - I’d love to hear them!
These conversations are not easy, but they are essential if we truly want to make school a place where all kids experience education as liberation and not an ongoing harm.